Hyperemesis Gravidarum: I know

 Too much vomiting in pregnancy.

That’s essentially the definition of hyperemesis gravidarum. 

And it’s no fun.

I had HG with my first baby. And none of the tricks for morning sickness helped.

• Small frequent meals
• Ginger
• Magnesium
• B6
• B6 and unisom 
• Eating protein and complex carbs
• Drinking lots (8-12 cups of water per day)
• Sucking on Preggie Pops
• Wristbands for nausea (seabands)

And people were so quick to offer their fool-proof advice. “Oh, all you need to do is xyz! That always fixes it!”

And when you told them you had tried it already, without any improvement in your symptoms, they looked at you rather blankly and then moved to their second assumption of  “maybe you didn’t do it right? Because, seriously, it works for everybody else.”

I rather wearily left people to their assumptions until I met another HG mom. I told her I had tried everything. And all she said in return was “I know.”

Such a simple response but it comforted me. She knew I was a good mommy — of course I was diligent to try the recommendations. She knew I was smart - of course I did everything right. She knew I was dealing with HG - of course it didn’t fit in the parameters of common Morning sickness.

I do appreciate people sharing their advice and stories of what helped them. This is how women learn from each other. And sometimes I learn things that completely turn my situation around, and I’m grateful. So I’m not here to shut down advise-givers.

But I am here to say this: if you are one of those rare people who know when to give advice and when to simply say “I know,” I thank you!!! Keep up the good work!

It’s a Fun Experiment!

 Are you a toddler? Guess what! I have an idea for a fun experiment! Let’s see what happens if we scream and cry when we don’t get our way! How will we know the results if we don’t try? Come on! Give the drama your best shot!

Are you a mama? Oh. Sorry. Nobody thinks about how much the mama enjoys being the subject of these toddler experiments.

This week, I (as the mama of a toddler) have felt pages mentally to my breaking point.

So, of course, I called MY mama.

Who laughed softly and shared how very much she understood. And, in her gentle way, encouraged me to keep up the good work, raising my daughter to be a wonderful woman someday.

So, let me pass that encouragement along to the rest of you mamas. You’re doing great. And we understand. We really do.

Happy Mother’s Day

 Happy Mother’s Day to all of you!!!!

Challenge: True, Kind, and Valuable

 I like to do weeklong challenges for my mouth and my attitude, lol.

It helps me reset.

So this week, my challenge is called…

     TRUE, KIND, and VALUABLE, with a touch of pleasantness.

Basically my goal is to watch what I’m saying and how I’m saying it, especially towards my husband and children because they often see the worst of me. It’s so easy for me to snap at them simply because I’m stressed about something.

So this week, I’m going to practice being intentionally kind in all my communications, especially to my family.

How about you? Do you feel like you could take on this challenge? Who’s with me!?

Potty training

 I feel like I know very little about potty training and I’m just winging it.

I had a friend who did “elimination communication” with her baby, and I read about African women who manage to not get peed on even though the baby on their backs had no diaper.

I thought that sounded pretty cool.

When I had my baby, I had a tough recovery for several weeks. And I realized that balancing my newborn over a potty simply wasn’t going to happen.

But around 6 months old, when she could sit with a little support (think “boppy pillow” or “mommy holding lower back and hips”), we started on the potty again. I found that she consistently peed when she woke up from nighttime or naps. So we just did that. I wasn’t worried about the other times she peed; I just focused on those times I knew would be winners.

I usually murmured “good job” when she pottied on the potty. But I wasn’t overly exuberant. I wanted her to know the potty was a good thing and she was doing it right, but I didn’t want the potty to be a way to impress mommy. I wanted to have the attitude of “of course you’ll go on the potty. That’s what we do.”

As she got older, we used the potty more and more. Some weeks I caught every single poop on the potty. Some weeks, I didn’t catch any. 

At this point, she has never taken her own diaper off, so I wasn’t in a hurry to take potty training to the next level.

But you know what?

She was.

All of the sudden, she decided she wanted to go potty more often. She yells, “potty! Potty! Potty! Potty!” And the two of us rush to the nearest bathroom.

No fighting. No bribing. No initiative on my part.

How easy was that!

Downsides: 

• she still sometimes pees in her diaper. I’m not too worried about that. She’s already catching more of them in the potty than she was a month ago. We’ll get there.
• I have to stop and run every single time. Sometimes that’s hard.
• Sometimes she doesn’t actually need to potty. She simply wants to enjoy the delights of sitting in the potty (fun new seat, more of mommy’s attention, a pretty shower curtain to admire, etc). Which is exasperating when I drop and run for nothing. But I try not to make a big deal of that either — it won’t last forever.

I did figure out one really helpful thing about night-time. I will take her to the potty at night if she requests it…

But…

Don’t Turn the Lights On!

I have a nightlight in the bathroom that is just bright enough to find the potty. I say little or nothing. I make very little eye contact. I set her on the potty and wait for her to finish. Any more stimulation than that turns the potty trip into a way to stay up all night.

I also don’t rush her. At first, I was so eager to get back to bed that I kept asking “are you done yet?” That was s bad idea because…

• I was getting more irritated with each delay
• She was getting more stimulated by my frequent questions
• She was enjoying experimenting with different answers to explore different reactions from me
• When I did manage to rush her back to bed, I felt guilty for rushing her when she asked to go back to the potty two seconds later. On the other hand, when I let her initiate the desire to return to bed, I can also confidently say “all done potty, go to sleep now” when I know she’s actually done.

So…for a mommy who’s just winging this whole thing, I’m really really pleased with the progress. Check back in another six months to see how it turns out in the end!

Helping Mama - A Guide to Peaceful Education for Toddlers

The caption on this is “helping mama fix supper.” ❤️❤️❤️

And it makes it sound like I’m a super great mom, with a super advanced baby.

Which she is.

But…

The backstory is that she was so fussy that I couldn’t get ANYTHING done. I directed her to projects she could do on her own. I got out fun toys she hadn’t played with for a couple weeks. Nothing was working, and we NEEDED supper at some point!

So I plopped her up in a chair at the sink to “help” me wash potatoes and carrots.

I’m not super mom. 

This wasn’t a carefully crafted educational opportunity.

It was just me, desperate for some sanity and peace while I chopped a few vegetables, lol.

But you know what? Sometimes life itself is the best way to train your baby for,…well, life itself!

Necessity can be the mother of education and fun.

Someday this will translate to real help for me and then eventually independence for her.

Meanwhile…She looks really cute at the kitchen sink!!

Salad Shooter drama

 So here’s a picture of a salad shooter…

Little motor spins around and grates your vegetables. I’ve got an old one that’s probably almost as old as I am, and I love it.

Looks harmless, right?

NOT ACCORDING TO MY DAUGHTER!!!!

Just this morning, I grabbed it from the cabinet to grate some zucchini and she started whimpering at the sight of it (please refer to picture above to get an idea of its terrifying visage). By the time I had the motor on a few seconds, she was bawling like a child in a war zone.

I. Am. Just. Making. Zucchini. Bread.

Nobody is dying.

Our house is still standing.

You need to breathe.

Being a first-time mom, I’m never entirely sure what to do. I needed to make the zucchini bread. But I don’t want to make my baby cry. And I don’t want her to have long-term fears of salad shooters.

She used to be scared of the vacuum cleaner, but as soon as I started holding her while vacuuming, she stopped being scared of it. Now she’s fine even if I’m not holding it.

That didn’t really help with the salad shooter. She just wrapped her arms around me and sobbed.

So I did my go-to reaction. A calm steady approach that gets the job done, provides a safe embrace for my baby, but keeps it very chill. No grasping her to my chest and cooing over her like I just rescued her from something terrible. Rather, a nonchalant but capable hug that is mildly surprised you need a hug from such a little disturbance but is none-the-less happy to give it to you.

She was still scared. Apparently I’m not going to fix this in one session. But hopefully she will learn that she survives every time, and by the time she’s old enough she’ll be able to use the machine herself!

When I finished grating zucchini, I made lunch and sat down to eat. She crawled into my lap, put her arms around my neck, and just sat there. 

Feeling my calmness.

My heartbeat and breaths helping to regulate hers.

Releasing all the tension she had built up.

It seemed like a long time to me. But I stayed still for her. I want to be the kind of mama that she can come to when she needs me, no matter how long it takes.

So now is your turn to help me out! Give me your stories of things your babies were scared of, and tell me how it turned out!